tgcomicman

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

So.. I have been struggling with consistency for most of this year. Consistency in pretty much everything. But this past few months have really worked on my heart.

Some really bad things have happened, really tragic things in my family which I wont discuss here... but if I have neglected to tell you.. ask me privately, anyways I have taken these bad things and tried to find strength in my relationships.

Mostly God. I am now growing closer to God than I ever have. My prayer life is desperate and lovely. And I am understanding new parts of our relationship and growing deeper in the more familiar aspects of our relationship. For example... Most of my life I have looked to God as a guidance counselor and friend... but now I am experiencing this awesome King to servant relationship... and it is absolutely lovely.

I am also in a relationship with Julianne Six. Its pretty freakin great. I trust her more than any girl Ive ever really known. And she is fun. Its a pure and simple relationship... and Im not worrying about either of us suddenly having second thoughts. I can just be myself. She and I were friends for about half a year before getting together, and good friends at that. At first it was a bit strange, simply because i never thought of her as "maybe my next girlfriend". And kissing your friend is always weird at first. But anyways she is my cheerleader and she has been really motivating me to be a better man. Thats what she deserves.

Oh and she doesn't have a Facebook. Which is lame.

The reason Im telling you guys this is because, I have been keeping a lot of people out of the loop of, basically everything. I havent talked to Amber or Helen or Travis and a lot of other people in forever. And you guys are some of closest friends so thats.. lame. And i will be trying to do this on a regular basis... I need something to do on thursdays anyways.
Every Thursday Im thinking about posting one of these, to tell you how Im doing, some of the crazy stories in my life, Maybe about some projects Im working on, and about some of the stuff thats been on my head.
So I will be posting this on both facebook and deviantart

I might even get a blogspot or something.


I am having a birthday this April 10th. I still dont know what Im going to do. I have a couple of options... Founders weekend is on the weekend of my birthday so maybe we could do something there. Manland is in april... me and Alex did get it rescheduled to another date... I think its on the 26th... It will be awesome... I will put a link on the bottom. The only problem with manland is that Girls couldnt come. And that might tick some people off. But if you are a guy friend of mine... I would really suggest coming... its a blast.

Its basically a thing the junior guys at my church do... but its not necessarily a church retreat... Ive known some of these guys since 5th grade and were really close... so it will be basically a weekend where we hang and do... manly things.


I think we might be going to the Congo and be killing black panthers. Bring a machete and one black pair of pants. thats all you will need.

Oh, and back to the huge birthday party... I throw one every year. Just cause parties are fun. So gifts are allowed but not necessarily encouraged. One more option is my aunts house, she just left for france and I was thinking maybe I could throw one in her vacant house. But I would have to get permission.... which is the tricky part. If any one has other ideas, then throw them by me.

Right now Im working on two projects... one video project... with Carl (Frotastic) and Ian. Its an english project but there are basically no guidelines.. except that it has to have a fallacy in it. So I guess.. if thats any good I will post that.

And then... Im making this awesome picture of Nick Karalexis attacking alligators by shooting them with lazors that come out of his mouth and eyes. Its on cardboard and its awesome.


And if I ever start working on my comic, I will probably let you know. I really need to work on that.


Oh, and on the internet... if you havnt checked these things out... you really should.



Best band ever.............. www.gaslightanthem.com/site/

Best band of the week....... relientk.com/

New Band of the week........ www.shoutoutlouds.com/

Awesome YouTube guy......... www.youtube.com/user/RayWillia…

Awesome Science............. www.reasons.org/

Manland..................... www.facebook.com/event.php?eid…

I do not sleep anymore. Well its spring break so I guess thats okay. Its been several months since I posted a legitimate journal. I think its time...

So It is spring break... usually this is the time of the year where I drawn in from everyone else... and attempt to fix myself. So that what Im doing now.

Ive been kinda failing at that lately though.

I spent the majority of this spring break at my fathers house... It was pretty terrible..

He has been going to this thing called Discovery.. Supposedly its supposed to help him realize his life is screwed up... show where its screwed up... and give him ways to cope...

Well hes gone through the process and he is still bitter, arrogant and angry. He is  still cruel to my mother... despite the divorce. You would think that he would calm down after separation. No. He is still plainly cruel to everyone.
Oh... and if you don't know.. my parents got divorced a couple months ago... and its been a painful process.. I had to choose my mother's "side". Signed official papers and all this nasty stuff.

My brother and I have been fine most of this week... till this morning. He just blew up. Don't know why. We didn't actually fight.. he just pushed me around and i played the fearless rag doll.  He hates that so much. He fears me... and he want me to fear him. He doesn't need to fear me though. I only want him to trust me... and I am putting forth the effort to display that as best as possible.
He is going through an identity crisis.. he is flunking school.. and he has become a drug dealer... and mother knows.

My mother is amazing. Did I ever mention that. I would actually say.. she is the reason I have faith so consistently... She has gone through so many trials... and yet is so strong. And she gives the Lord credit.

Ellie... this is the biggest reason I believe in God... not so much because he gets me through things... its more because I see my mother take on the most impossible mountains... and when she does... she credits the Lord. I may be no saint... but my mother might be.





So... yesterday... I had a Panic Attack... and I am so tired... Im having trouble remembering.

Oh yeah... I was ashamed of how poor I was... And maybe more so... filling void of God.

I realize now... it takes time to recuperate from a visit to my fathers house... and yes it is that bad. I don't look to good when I am neglected. Or when I am forced to be the parent of my siblings.

So.. afterwards... after the freak out I watched comedy.

Comedy always helps calm me down... and then... to complete the circle... calling women helps even more... Women make Alex nervous... does that happen to most guys?


Speaking of women... Umm... so you know how I said i wasn't gonna go out with Julianne... well I am. And we sync. So well.

It was strange at first... but now its really good. She is gone on vacation but should be back Sunday? I want to see her.

And yeah. I do have my doubts... but man I got to take things less seriously... emotionally. Take action seriously... but when there is no action to be taken..  be way less serious.


Well... maybe I will right another one of these tomorrow... my brain is blown.


Oh and I gave up TV for lint or lent or whatever... arn't u proud o me?


Oh and new life goal... be a tambourine player in a band... cause I saw a guy doing that today and he was... awesome...

So... Hi. How have you been. I want to call out to you. I want to call you for any help I can get.

I want a new life. I want to get out of this house.. and out of this town... is there any way I will ever find success... in anything.

I am overwhelmed by school. I suck at art... which this month I realized in full. I cant write.. I cant sing... and nobody believes me about God.

Nobody gives a shit about God anymore.. not in this town. Nobody even looks to see whats really up there. Its so sad.

Ellie if you read this... I want you simply to know.. I cant stand how wrong you are. In fact it hurts me. Its almost painful...

Well not as painful as my life thats falling apart. What I love is that nobody will ever give a shit. Nobody. Not Alex.. Not Ellie... And eventually... Not Julianne.

I mean Amber did. I thought so much of her... I gave her all the love I could... and now she has forgotten my face. Helen same.

God does... I guess. But this isnt a big deal to him I guess. Im searching for him at every corner. My heart is turning cold now... thats why Im having trouble with this research... I cant seem to put up the energy for it...
Im so drained. This place is void of kindness... Void of any real love. Its become pretty much conditional for everyone in this family...

And I want to run away so badly. My stomach turns at the thought of living another day like this. And I guess my stomach will keep turning.

O Lord where is my hope? O Lord... be with me. Today I need your aid.